The way to healthy communication with your child
Dear Parents,
Every parent who has a child may experience various problems with their children. As these problems accumulate, the parent-child relationship is damaged and your communication comes to a breaking point. I would like to inform you about what you can do before your child’s communication reaches this state.
As the needs of children in every age group change, the personality traits of each child also differ. This requires a different approach to each child. Issues such as the content of the problems with your child, your child’s reactions, your family dynamics and your communication quality should be properly evaluated as a whole and recommendations should be given according to this assessment. Only an expert pedagogue can make this assessment. If your communication with your child is damaged or you cannot communicate at all, you should definitely get the support of an expert pedagogue.
Although every child and family dynamics are different, I would like to give some general tips to prevent your communication with your child from getting worse and to establish a good communication with your child;
– First of all, do not raise your child dependent on yourself for the period of 3-6 years. Especially young parents, single-child parents fall on their children too much and they still see their children as babies even though they are 3 years old and they do not allow their children to move on their own. Although it differs according to the development of children, generally after 2 years of age, the child has learned to move on his own and can exhibit many skills. For example, he can drink his own water and wear his own shoes. When parents are not allowed to do their children’s self-care skills, these skills cannot develop and the child is dressed by his mother even at the age of 6. This is just an example. In many areas, the mother lives for the child and does not allow him to do his own work. Therefore, the child cannot find an area where he can prove himself and show himself. Exaggerated concern both damages the relationship between the parents and the child and prevents the child’s healthy personality development.
– Give your child responsibility. From a young age, take care to give your child responsibilities appropriate to his age. For example, let your child pay for money at a grocery store. Let him buy bread from the market if he is nearby and in a safe place.
– Do not raise your child in isolation from life. Let him learn what is the municipal bus, what is the akbil, what is the metrobus, what is the metro. Don’t let your life pass in a private vehicle or school bus all the time. Let’s learn by taking part in life. Build self-confidence to go anywhere on your own.
– Put on your parental authority. Put your firm and consistent attitude from infancy and keep it that way. Be the parent, not the friend, of your child. When he makes mistakes, apply sanctions that will tell him that his behavior is wrong. This is a matter of discipline. In this regard, it is beneficial to learn by getting pedagogical support, especially between the ages of 3-6. If you accept every negative behavior of your child with understanding, they will not learn “no” and you will have to fight every time you say no. So put your authority on your child.
– Offer your child options rather than prohibitions. Instead of arguing about your child’s behaviors or choices that you do not approve of, it will be more constructive to explain the reasons and offer options.
– Talk to your child. You should neither be too concerned nor too indifferent to your child. This is a very sensitive setting. Because you know your child, try to speak up when you notice that something is bothering him. If you can’t get results from this conversation, get information from relatives or friends with whom he is like a friend. You can also get pedagogue support if he has a problem and doesn’t explain anything to you.
– Show that you love your child unconditionally with your actions. 8. Let him show himself and be proud of him. Express that you like it and find it successful.
Do not keep your child’s school success at the center of life. Don’t let him get the message that you love him less if he doesn’t do well in school. They may have other abilities outside of the academic field. Do not reduce success to school success
– The subject of your conversations should not always be school. As soon as you come back from school, don’t bother with how the school went, how much did you get from the exam. If he wants to talk about school, talk.
– Don’t make decisions for him. Respect their choices. Respect her choices, especially in the school area.
– Let your child spend time with friends. Don’t see everyone as untrustworthy or dangerous. Otherwise, your child will not learn to trust people. To put your mind at ease, you can meet their friends and allow your child to see their friends under your control.
I can make many suggestions like this. However, the most accurate suggestion will vary according to your family dynamic, your child’s characteristics and the content of the problem you have with your child. Your communication can only be treated by giving suggestions that are suitable for your child and your family dynamic.
Wishing you healthy communication with your child,
Pedagogue Sevil Yavuz
Psychological Counselor, Child and Adolescent Psychology Specialist,
Parenting Skills & Counseling Center
