Before you start reading this article, I would like you to close your eyes and think about your own father for a moment.
Considering that most of us come from a traditional family structure; He is stronger and taller than all other men, with that sweet stern eye, who appears in the evenings and who we cannot see because he has already gone to work when we wake up in the morning. do you remember
Of course you remembered. He is your father… And maybe even now he is you.
Fatherhood is a process that starts with your spouse giving you that happy news. Your social role as a man until then will turn into a somewhat more complex process with birth. You are now more than just a man and a husband, you are a father.
In fact, men cannot make much sense of the changes that have been going on for the last forty weeks, starting with the news of their wives. They have an analysis report in their hands, but where is the child? Who does he look like? Is it male? Is it a girl? They seek answers to rational questions such as While the spouses are trying to adapt to the hormonal changes in their bodies, the joy of finally becoming a father is experienced and the day turns to yesterday, life goes on for the man…
However, his wife’s nausea in those first days, physical changes such as the weight that was lost after I don’t know how many diet programs but started to gain rapidly, and emotional changes such as crying for no reason and irritability require a father who holds his hand, understands and supports, rather than a man who has accepted the process.
In addition, the primary relationship that begins between the mother and the unborn child, nourishes and complements each other, inflames the fear of being thrown into the background in the new father. This strengthens the possibility of mothers dealing with one unborn child and one child at home.
I seem to see the smiles of mothers reading the article.
this meal Amada, a man who can say “we” instead of “me” has taken a giant step towards becoming a father.
Until you become a father, the duty of protection and care that society has imposed on you will gain a new perspective. A piece of you has come to life in the body of your beloved wife, and you are getting ready to say hello to a new life with your shared genes.
Some studies show that during pregnancy, fathers go through hormonal changes just like mothers. Prolactin levels of fathers increased by about 20% three weeks before the birth of the baby; There are findings that the testosterone level decreases and the estrogen hormone is higher in fathers than in other men1.
While all these hormonal changes make the man chasing strawberries and plums in the middle of the night, eating a craving on the way home and generalizing this to all foods over time causes weight gain in men.
In other words, while the natural process prepares the woman for motherhood with the hormones secreted, her fathers will understand her and bring her to a state that will enable her to achieve her new duty.
Being a father requires love, patience, experience and knowledge. If a man does not willingly acquire all this equipment, he will remain only a man, and his fatherhood will not go beyond a physiological definition.
The first years are an unmissable opportunity to prepare for the long-term relationship of the father, even if it is considered that the dependent relationship between the mother and the child reduces the role of the father, and this is partially true. The physical contact that the father will establish with the child during this period and the contribution he will make to the child’s care will increase his awareness. A father who does not see childcare as a “man’s job” will have difficulty in establishing an emotional relationship with his child, as he will not be able to establish adequate physical contact with his child.
If you can’t see the smile on the face of a baby you feed, or the happiness spread on the face of a baby who has a soiled diaper after changing his diaper, you have missed something. Although they take great pleasure in soaking a newly changed cloth immediately, you will test your own patience in this way.
As a matter of fact, the secret to being a good father is your spouse being a good mother, and the secret to being a good mother is being a good father to your spouse. The balanced distribution of roles in the family and being suitable role-models for your child will determine the attitudes and behaviors that your children will display when they assume similar roles in the future. If you are in doubt about the accuracy of this information, think about whether you apply many of the behaviors that you criticized your father or mother when you were a child, to your children today.
The most important form of relationship that will tire children in the family is the complex role distribution. Fathers should never be expected to be mothers and mothers to be fathers. Because both roles are different from each other in terms of both quality and quantity. Helping and supporting does not mean impersonation.
Motherhood is a trait bestowed on them by the creator. During my professional life, I have never seen a baby crying “daddy” in cases of fear and anxiety, with exceptions. In these cases, the safest place is under the mother’s wings. Even though we don’t tell our wives, doesn’t our mother cook the best food? Even we fathers, when we are in trouble, sad or worried, don’t we lean our heads on the mother far away or the mother next to us?
However, it should not be forgotten that the father has great contributions to the individual, social and psychological development of the child and this contribution will continue throughout his life.
The masculine image of the father, which represents the outside world, allows the child to individualize, learn to use internal control mechanisms, and communicate with the outside world more easily and encourages him.
In particular, fathers should avoid characterizing their children’s self-confidence in their dialogues. Negative criticism of children’s physical characteristics and emotional weaknesses can lead to trust problems that you cannot easily recover later on.
Due to its outwardly shaped structure with social norms, the satisfying relationship that the father establishes with his child, his reactions, attitudes and behaviors positively affect his analytical thinking, verbal skills and, accordingly, his academic success.
It can be said that boys communicate and interact more easily with their fathers. The reason why this view gains strength is that there are similar choices in social attitudes and activities. Considering the quality of the social interaction and the games played between the father and the boy, more aggressive patterns can be encountered. Watching sports that require high physical effort such as football and boxing, playing games imitating wrestling and competitive activities are more preferred by father and son. During all these activities, boys learn masculine attitudes and behaviors, competition, defeat and defeat by taking their father as an example.
Girls, on the other hand, have an idea about the attitudes they will display towards the opposite sex, while at the same time they have an idea about the behavior patterns that the opposite sex will display to them. The presence of a father always equates to trust for daughters.
In my personal opinion, the love that girls have for their fathers at a certain period of their lives is also effective in choosing us men as wives. If we look like his father, have a tone of voice like his, if our lips make a curve like him when we smile, we are more likely to be chosen as a wife.
The absence or indifference of the father can lead to various adjustment behavior disorders in the child. Just because dads have to work hard doesn’t mean you shouldn’t spend enough time with them. Because what matters is not the length of time you spend with them, but the quality. No matter how busy and important your work is, a person living in the last moment of his life will say, “Oh God! I still had a lot of work to finish.” I don’t think you will.
If you do not include enough care and love in your life, your life will flow by you without even being aware of it, but together with what’s inside…
The attention and closeness your child will show you as an adult cannot be more than you show your own parents.
As a matter of fact, I understood the value of my father after I became a father.
As I grow and mature and he grows old and childish, I understand better that the divine cycle continues.
Recently, my son Caner Kaan said, “When will I grow up? Now I want to do whatever I want.” I witnessed the limitlessness of this cycle.
Of course, my son, who saw living at his own discretion as a result of growing up, could not have known how much growing up would sharpen his own boundaries, that he could lose the joy of spontaneous laughter, happiness with a candy, enthusiastic hugs and singing loudly wherever he was.
When I realized this, I became a father.
He will be and he will understand…
Maybe when he hugs his son, his eyes will shed tears just like me… Maybe it will be me in his dream, maybe his own childhood… But no matter what, our hearts will intersect…
I am a father but also a child,
My father’s child…
My child’s father…